Recently, as usual, I have been hearing of more cases of people in their 20s and 30s diagnosed with cancer. This last month, aside from the myriad of acquaintances who hear about the magazine and know someone, this time its been one of my friend Judd’s (http://www.juddtrichter.com/archives/entries/contact.phtml) best friends (age 33) diagnosed with late stage sarcoma.

This is what I told Judd when he asked my opinion of the most useful ways to kick off the cancer adventure strong.

FOR HIS FRIEND- THE NEW PATIENT:

1. Start and store a notebook of all the appointments, test results etc…

LAF has useful tools for organizing:http://www.livestrong.org/site/c.khLXK1PxHmF/b.2662947/k.9791/Get_Organized.htm I think a box to hide everything from constant view is a good idea.  This makes a good gift. (I personally use a boring Ikea box, but I think you can get more creative at The Container Store http://www.containerstore.com/ )

2.  Get a second (or third opinion).

Finding an oncologist that specializes in the cancer you have is a plus, and finding someone who you feel comfortable with is crucial. Also, you will probably now have a few treatment options. Too many might make you crazy, but 3 from reputable sources seems about right to me.

3. Avoid too much Googling at the beginning.

It will scare the shit out of you. Books on your specific cancer are a good idea.

4. Try to connect with other young adults who have dealt with the same diagnosis. Because of the lack of clinical trials for the 15-39 set, it is useful to research treatment options by contacting other young adults with the same diagnosis who have been treated successfully.

You can do this through oncologists who specialize in your specific cancer and who are kind enough to call their former patients and put you in touch with them, and sites like

Communi Cancer http://www.CommuniCancer.com/ 

 Group Loop (for teens) http://www.GroupLoop.com/

5. Remember that percentages are based on the overall population and not on your specific body.

6. Ask for help if you need it.

People around you don’t know how to deal with cancer. If you ask for help, it makes them feel useful and more comfortable. 

FOR JUDD:

1.  Be supportive but don’t treat him like a sick baby.

Just because he has cancer, doesn’t mean he suddenly needs a pink teddy bear. Also, raising and sweetning your voice like you are talking to a partially deaf and aged relative, is offensive (to the old person and the cancer patient). I think Judd knows this, and its marginally offensive to tell him, but he enjoys the abuse.

2. Visit often and bring gifts you yourself would want.

3. Call at least 2x a week.

He will tell you if he doesn’t want you to call. Don’t think twice, pick up the phone and try to forget that you don’t know how to deal with cancer. He doesn’t know how either.

4. Tell him about Waiting Room……and other sites. Do research and become interested in his cancer if you can handle it. Don’t pretend you know more than you do, but its nice to feel like your friends and family care enough to thoroughly check out what you might be dying of. 

5. Don’t start up with the cancer gear you can buy at the check out stand at the market. 

If you want that crap for your own use, fine, but don’t subject him to it unless you are making ‘a funny’. Unless Waiting Room tells you something cancer-specific is good for a gift, don’t bother.