I got diagnosed with CLL just over a year ago. Chronic Lymphocyte Leukemia. It was after a random blood test for a cholesterol check.

The doctor called me that night. I didn't get the message until the next morning. He left word for me to call him, said that I had an elevated white blood cell count and that he wanted to see me. I freaked and called him immediately.

I went to see him that afternoon and brought my fiancee for support. His office seemed colder than ever before when I waited for him to come in and explain to me what was going on.

My doctor is one of those friendly doctors with a funny but perverse sense of humor. He opened the door. He wasn't himself this time. He looked at me, asked how I was. I told him I was nervous and just to let me have it. He broke the news very matter of factly. "You have Chronic Lymphocytic Leukemia."

All I heard was the word leukemia.

"Do I have cancer?"

"Yes."

All those years I'd felt immortal...

"So what do I do now?"

He wanted me to have some tests and see his oncologist.

"Can I die from this?"

He explained that I could if it wasn't treated, but that we wouldn't know more until I did some tests.

It really didn't matter what he said after that. I couldn't hear anything more than "cancer."

I walked out of the office in a haze. My fiancee asked me what was going on. I told her that I had CLL and explained what it was. She thought I was joking.

I turned to her, and in my most dramatic voice said, "I'VE GOT CANCER!"

The doctor told me not to look CLL up online, that it would only upset me. I went home and looked it up online. Then I bought a shit-load of books dealing with cancer.

He was right-it upset me. I learned a lot though, and found that I could live with this indefinitely, and that there are treatments for CLL.

I saw two oncologists; they both presented me with the same information.

One doctor said, "The good news is that you have CLL. The bad news is that you have CLL. It is one of the most benign forms of cancer and there are treatments. They may be close to having a cure. We will know more after some tests."

The first batch of tests came back, in the doctor's words, "unfavorable." What a shitty word.

He said that he'd run them again, that possibly the test results were wrong. Fat chance, I thought.

I focused on the Serenity Prayer -praying "for the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."

The new results came back about a month later and to my surprise and joy, were more "favorable."

I changed my diet and found a new appreciation for life. It's been a little more than a year and I still haven't had to have treatment. I go for blood work every three months. The numbers are staying basically in the same range.

Sometimes I play the cancer card. If somebody takes off on me on a wave while I am surfing I yell, "Come on man, I've got Leukemia!"

Usually the guy kicks out.

It's also a great party trick. When someone I really don't want to talk to asks, "How ya doin?" I say, 'I got diagnosed with cancer a month ago.'

They usually walk away...unless they have cancer too.

I feel like this cancer thing is like a whole new subculture. I kind of feel perversly cool when I tell people I've got it. Maybe I'm just weird...or maybe it just softens the blow.